I want my world to feel smaller again. I don’t remember what life truly felt like before social media. But I imagine it was quieter. Back then, my mind was not saturated with information about other people’s lives outside of my immediate family and closest friends. I noticed more details of the world around me. Like the way the tree in the backyard leaned towards the house, and the sound the chair made when Dad pulled it out from under the table so he could sit down and take off his boots after work.

Lately I just feel overwhelmed by the world. The way in which we are more connected than ever but we don’t use it for good. Everywhere I look people are arguing with each other. When did we forget that it is okay to disagree with people? It’s astonishing how much people love to put on a smile and talk about spreading love and kindness only when the federal holiday calendar reminds them to. Every other day of the year we’re at each other's throats. 

I just think we’re all losing ourselves to performance and comparison, and I want better for us. I think of myself as a child and I want a better life for her. When I think of how much of that little girl's life has been spent watching highlight reels of other people’s lives, it makes me sad. I could’ve given her so many more experiences in that amount of time. And then maybe she wouldn’t be sitting here, just shy of 30 years old, feeling like she wasted so much time. Feeling like the only way to make up for it is to work 24/7. To hustle and never sit still and make herself feel guilty every time she does. I know I have only myself to blame for that wasted time. I feel the hypocrisy as I post this too but I also think life would be just a little more dull if people didn't share their art, in all its forms, with the world.

I just want to slow down. Life is moving faster than ever. Is it because I’m happier than ever? Or is it just part of getting older?